The First Step To Becoming a Leader Who Instills Confidence

Jul 22, 2021
The First Step To Becoming a Leader Who Instills Confidence

I have two sons and two daughters all of which are amazing, crazy and beautiful. Each of them is your average energetic and joyful balls of curiosity and sometimes a little bit of chaos. My oldest child, my daughter of 10 years old, is much like myself. She’s always been a competitor. It didn’t matter if it was school or gymnastics, she’s always been very intense and wants to be the best. 

However, about 1.5 years ago I began to notice a change in her and I wasn’t able to figure it out. The change happened slowly with small things like a fear of doing back handsprings. She’s been doing those since she was five years old. As the year passed her fears continued to grow. She could no longer do the high bar because she was afraid of heights. She soon began believing that the coaches were being mean to her. The behavior was just not like the daughter I know. Her fears eventually crept into school and she wouldn’t allow me to share her successes at school. She was doing great and I couldn’t understand why sharing her successes with her grandparents, aunts and uncles were so embarrassing, even terrifying for her.  

Her fears continued to grow over the next few months and soon gymnastics competitions, which she loved, was something she just did not want to do anymore. I just could not wrap my head around why she was regressing, because all I see is a beautiful and strong young lady who can compete hard, does well in school and at home is a wonderful loving caring sister to her siblings.  

I was at a loss. I had no answers. I even asked other parents if they had experienced the same with their children. Still, I had no answer. Then one night while researching child behavior I came across some of these facts about girls, kids, and women.

  • Girls self-esteem peaks when they are 9 and then takes a nosedive
  • 78% of 8 & 9-year-olds like their appearance.
  • Only 56% of 12 & 13-year-old girls like how they look. (Wow!)
  • Only 2% of women think they are beautiful

This information truly surprised me because it is so sad that girls, or anyone, would have such a negative view of themselves. I began to think about how I could be helping my daughter. I also started to contemplate how others around me like my family and also my team members at work feel on a daily basis about themselves. 

I thought about how even as adults they too could have confidence issues. Who doesn’t at one point or another? Being successful in life, at all stages, involves being confident. Having confidence and believing in yourself is the foundation for contentment, happiness and being able to have a joy for others. Assuming that our kids and co-workers know how appreciated they are, intelligent, brave and valued isn’t enough. We have to tell them over and over, or they will never believe how Amazing they are!

I decided that I was going to be the voice to those around me that builds them up. I wanted everyone at home and work to know that someone always has confidence in them even when they don’t have any in themselves. Be that voice, be that person who serves others in a way that brings out the best in them.

As adults, we crave the same attention and have the same needs, to be loved & validated, that children do.  We are grown children at heart and mind. The highest aspiration for any human is a sense of meaning. You do this by toeing compliments to overall impact with the organization.

So how does this relate to you and your business?

I remember when we opened my new business in 2016, we launched with a big Grand Opening.  

As I was walking around and meeting with everyone who had joined us in our celebration when one of my employees (I call them team members) introduced her 70-year-old mother to me. She was wonderful. We talked for a bit and before she left I thanked her for coming and as her daughter stood there I also thanked her for her wonderful daughter, who has been such a blessing to my team. I told her about how smart, productive and efficient of a team member her daughter was and how much of a difference she made each day not only to the business but also my life and each client.

I could see how proud the woman was of her daughter at that moment and my team member was also very thankful. She appreciated that I noticed just how valuable she was to our successes. It was something that only took a few moments to say and I could tell it made a huge difference.

I want to challenge you to walk away today with the same idea that impacts the people in your business. Even if you don’t have any team members try giving some confidence-building feedback to the people you might work with like referral partners or other business owners you deal with. Truly acknowledge and Recognize the specific talents of them and let them know about projects or tasks that wouldn’t have been possible without them.

It’s something that I have applied to my everyday life. And the results are amazing. This simple, yet profound communication tool will change how the people around you view themselves and also how they view you!

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